Wednesday, 15 January 2020

how hurts work (part 2)

so your father had hurt and abused you all your life. you hated him, hated him for everything he had done and did not do. then one day, you packed your bags and left him. your left those unspoken betrayals and hurts that made up what you knew as "your family", you walked away from the silence that made you feel so alone and lonely, as a child, and as an adult. 

years later, you come back to the same place where you were born and have grown up, and you are confronted with a sick, dying man who is your father. he can't remember what he has done to you. he is dying. you look at him, and you feel sorry for him. but that feeling does not erase the fact that he has hurt you all your life. you suddenly realise that he is never going to acknowledge and take responsibility for what he has done. you call out to him, "papa!", and he does not respond anymore. you know then that he will take everything he has done to your brothers and sister to his grave, and that you too, will have to continue burying these hurts, bury them in your own grave when the time comes.

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