Thursday 15 November 2018

sing to me of autumn leaves

Jon in autumn

Jon at Fitzroy Gardens

hope is the only thing you can hold on to

my father is sick. he has not been able to walk for more than a year. the doctors wanted to amputate his left leg from the knee down to save his life. we wanted to save him, and his left leg, so we brought him home. the doctors predicted that he would not live for more than a month if his bad leg wasn't cut off, but he is still alive today, more than a year later. here is him feeling and looking drowsy after his medicine, with my mother sitting beside his bed, just a few minutes ago she was showing him the 4D numbers for the day. 4D is a bit like lottery except that you make up your own 4 number-configuration and hope that you will hit the jackpot. one of my siblings who happen to be visiting that day would have copied the winning numbers in that gray book that you can see on his bed. they do this for my parents to check the numbers whenever there is a draw. i think there is one every wednesday, saturday and sunday.  I don't think my parents have ever hit the jackpot. but that does not stop them from hoping.

HOPE is the ONLY thing you can hold on too, in times like this.

i went back to spend time with him and my family last November. he told me one day that there was a bird that came to his room to visit him. i totally believed him when he said that. i also believed that he must have been delighted by the bird's unexpected visit.

I made this painting of my parents a few years ago, from memory. I made mum look like a man, and dad looks dazed here....he did have that vacant look way back then, perhaps he was already sick then, we just didn't notice....

even mum, who is always so sharp and observant, did not notice....

I made a painting based on a wedding photo of my parents the other day. dad was looking at the camera, and mum was looking somewhere else...
my father's dementia is deteriorating fast...but I know he still remembers me. below are some drawings I made about 2 years ago. I didn't know that my father was sick then...but I think he must already have been at that time...maybe even way before that, we just didn't know.