Monday, 26 November 2018
today as I went through my computer i found this portrait I made of jono in 2016. I think I was trying to come to terms with his depression, I often asked him : what made you feel this way? and he would always say : I dunno. I didn't understand why we can't know what caused us to feel the way we feel. I always thought I knew what made me feel a certain way...I thought if we looked deep and honest into ourselves and perhaps our past we would know the answer. but now I know that people and feelings are a lot more complicated than I thought I knew.
I remember at that time when I made this I was trying to show his depression....as if he was raining inside or something, but actually the rain was coming from outside of him....I painted the umbrella thing...and then sort of cut it open as if it was a cake....I think maybe it was my way of trying to show him that he could get himself out of his trapped emotions....it was my way of trying to get myself out of the confused feelings I had at that time, my way of trying to understand him.
and the little bird. the little bird is always there.
sometimes it is interesting to look at my own paintings and understand my true feelings from the way I paint...I think my best works are stuff I made when I have been honest.
art is just a way to show some of my thoughts and feelings....they can't actually help me solve life's problems, but they help me understand somethings about myself and the world around me...I think.